Slow start

It was a friend of mine who convinced me to carry this on.. Well it’s a tough audience out there. Especially since that audience is namely me. It seems I enjoy creating no win situations for myself- not really sharing this blog with all my cheerleaders out there and then telling myself what’s the point of writing it if no ones gonna read it.. <sigh>

The punches, the bruises, my heart has taken over the last few months are fading away.. But not in a great way to be honest. Distractions, being ‘busy’ really serve me like bonjela does to an ulcer. It goes on healing underneath whilst being numbed so the raw painful lessons go unheard, the beauty of vulnerability goes unseen.

I guess what I’m trying to say is I’m writing this blog not as a 10 step program on how to heal a heart. That sounds dangerously like slapping on more numbing gel. I don’t have those 10 steps anyway. Actually..That’s a lie, I’ve subscribed to enough online courses, bought books- all unread. Which confirms my point. My heart, in all her ignored beauty and intelligence, isn’t interested in doing this any other way but her own. How she must long for me to not suppress the intermittent flickers of desire-for fear they may sit alongside painful truths. How she must envy my mind for always being chosen first, while she is always relegated to her perfunctory tasks- beating but not feeling.

And and so I choose you right now, ok? Facebook can wait, as well as other ‘busy’ tasks. I’ll make friends with the punches, the pain so I can hear how you heal. And already my feeling is that that’s how I win.

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